Disappointed, Confused & REALLY SHALLOW

To all of my many millions of readers, I'm sorry I've been MIA, but I can explain! I've met someone. Well, technically we haven't met in person, but have been communicating by email for a few months, and now by phone for the past few weeks. We seem to have hit it off. We kind of "get" eachother - which is a feeling I'm not used to. I had to go out of town for Christmas last week, and we talked for 3 hours or more on the phone most nights. And by night I mean into the far end of the early morning hours. If you knew me in real life, you'd know I like sleep and I value it more than gold cause my life & bouts of insomnia normally allow for very little of it. It's so not like me to sit on the phone, especially when I can be SLEEPING. Anyway, we were introduced through EHarmony, although neither of us are members, and we exchanged photos at the begining. I'm fat, have bad skin and I'm UN-photogenic, and therefore hate having my picture taken, so naturally I sent him photos of me looking my best, and they are all 2-10 yrs old. But I swear I still look the same as the most recent one... when my hair & makeup is done, which is rare. He sent me some pics too, and while I wasn't all, "OMG, he's so hot!" I felt there was potential. Since he's a he, I figured, alright, I assumed, he looked just like his pics, cause he's a he and all and couldn't hide behind hair & makeup in photos like I do. Well, long story short, we are now facebook friends, and by clicking on one of his friend's pages I was able to see some pics of him from a few weeks ago. I don't want to admit this, but I'm going to. I was kind of repulsed. Those pics look like a very different person. He told me at the begining that he didn't have very many pics of himself, and I figured, ok, assumed, that he was un-photogenic like me, but he more or less looked like the pics he sent. I never asked. Maybe I should have asked, but how does one ask THAT? Now I'm stuck w/ the fear that if we meet he'll look like the pics on his friends page instead of looking like the pics he sent me that I wasn't repulsed by. I'm not getting any younger or skinnier, so I feel compelled to keep things going & to meet & hope with hope that I've never had before that in person he looks more like the pics he sent and the other ones were just REALLY BAD PICTURES. I had enough trepidation about meeting & revealing me prior to this development. Now this? This is too much anxiety.

1941.12.07

In rememberance of the countless lives lost.

Spoiler Alert: Twilight / New Moon

Let me start by saying that I haven’t read the books - yet. I actually had no intentions of seeing the movies either until a few months ago. My sister mentioned that she had not planned on watching the Twilight DVD, but did, ended up loving it & was now reading the books. I borrowed it figuring it was something to watch the next time my insomnia set in – which ended up being that night. And I watched it multiple times before giving it back to her. New Moon could not come to theatres soon enough. I’ve seen it twice already, and it’s only been out for less than two weeks.

At the end of Twilight (movie), Emmet, Alice & Jasper were all there in the background destroying James, when Carlisle & Edward were tending to Bella & her bleeding . I’m curious as to why Edward (whom I frequently & mistakenly call Edmond – don’t know why) had to be the one to suck the poison out of Bella. Carlisle is a doctor who is around blood constantly and can obviously control himself. Why did he make Edward do it instead of just doing it himself? I figured it was some kind of metaphor for E’s love for B if he could keep from killing her; end of story.

Cut to New Moon & the birthday scene. B’s paper cut is miniscule, and Jasper goes crazy. There’s blood, they’re in a small space, he wants her, I get it. But if you go back to the end of Twilight, isn’t B bleeding a whole lot more than now w/ the paper cut? I know she gets cut worse when E pushes her back, but he only pushed her bcz Jasper was going to get her. Why wouldn’t Jasper have gone after her at the ballet studio in Twilight when there was more blood? I mean, first she pulled a large shard of the shattered mirror out of her leg & when E tried to get her away from James, she ended up being flung across the floor that was covered in more shards of the shattered mirror. Did Jasper not notice this because he was too busy w/ James? This just doesn’t make sense to me.

Sickening

When did it become okay to take your sick kid over to someone else's home? I'm all about parent taking date nights, but not when there is a sick kid involved. Don't call and ask to bring your kids over so you can go see a movie w/out disclosing to everyone in the house that the kid is on the end of a cold. Now I have a cold, and I'm rather displeased about it. Clearly.

Fat Like Me

Have you ever been told you weren’t fat enough? I have. I once dated a guy named Kevin who told me (when I weighed 250 lbs.) that if we were to have a future together, that I’d have to gain some more weight. I struggled w/ this for a couple more dates and then figured what the hell, why not. But then he disappeared. Not disappeared as in literally disappeared, but stopped returning calls & that typical thing that guys do when they are done w/ a girl. This was obviously better for me, seeing as how I’d rather not be w/ a guy more cornered about his sexual attraction to me than my health and well being. Shit, I’m barely 5’4” and I’ve been nothing but in pain since I reached the 200 lb. mark. Sometimes I think about the time I spent with him, and besides the surprise of finding a guy who was turned on by my size, I guess I am still more surprised by my willingness to do what he wanted just to keep him around.

HOT-FLASHING AT 27

What the fuck? I know it’s November and all, but seriously… That doesn’t mean temperatures have automatically plummeted. I shouldn’t have to sit next to the nearest exterior doors and/or windows hoping for drafty single pane glass. Turn the thermostat back down, and take the logs OFF the fire.

What I Do Get

Audrey Hepburn.
She’s a classic & timeless beauty, and obviously a great actress.

What I Don’t Get

Woody Allen.

His movies or his personal life.

Less Is More

I hate knick-knacks, aka bric-a-brac, aka chatchkeys. First off, who the hell came up with these names? Whoever it was needs to be shot. But despite what you call it all, it’s still just a bunch of shit. Yes, I said it, SHIT! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Ignorance Is Bliss

I know someone who has a bumper sticker that reads as follows:

If 10% is good enough for God, then it’s good enough for the IRS.

Haha! The ironic hilarity of that statement is a good laugh. The better part of it for me is that the person who this belongs to is someone who barely even contributes to society, much less financially. They work minimum pay jobs, I mean, between drunken out bursts and DUIs. I’d love for people who think like this bumper sticker to get a clue.

A Simple Explanation On Why Women Give BJs

We know he likes it and we want to give him what he wants. Also, in that moment we are in complete control (given the teeth/skin situation), and some of us get off on that.

Sharing The Wealth

The Colbert Report: The Word
Learning Is Fundamental
Mon. Oct. 5, 2009

Go here: X

Weirdoes Inquire Here

GOOD GOD!

They are like moths to my flame. Why does it always seem that I attract the most eccentric strangers? Don’t get me wrong - I like eccentric, I’m eccentric, but I don’t like people who are the MOST eccentric of the eccentrics and make me feel uncomfortable.

This past weekend I was in Atlanta for a workshop given by Dr. Brian Weiss - a psychiatrist who is/was a pioneer in past life regression therapy. Being the anal-retentive freak that I am, I showed up an hour before everything started. I was sitting alone (just how I like it) and out of the blue, a woman old enough to be my mother approaches me asking if I’m by myself & would like to go sit with her - cause she just hates to be alone at these things. That right there should have given me cause for concern, as I can’t stand people who can’t stand to be alone; they tend to be needy and completely dependent on others. Given my complete lack of ability in asserting myself w/ strangers, especially when caught off guard, I said sure. But I figured, “I’m alone and it’s always nice to meet new people.”

So I collect my things & follow her down to her choice of seats, although the view wasn’t nearly as good as the section I was already in. When plopping my self in the auditorium seat, I made sure to leave an empty seat between us. What can I say? I’m a big girl & I like to keep my personal bubble fully intact, especially around strangers. I always leave a space cushion between me & the next person, unless I’m related to them (but not always), good friends with them (but not always), or fucking them (but not always). Anyone want to guess what she does next? Yup, she saw I left an open seat between us, gets up, and fills that damn empty seat!

I tried not to be annoyed by this as Mary, who I learned is an Ohio native currently living in Florida & selling real estate, tells me about her daughter who just became a teacher that works with underprivileged kids. When we finally get a moment of awkward silence, I pull the new (well, relatively speaking) go-to move of whipping out my cell phone & pretending to read the msgs on my screen. This is where I should tell you that I don’t actually have msgs on my screen since I don't have texting. Not just because I don’t want to, but also simply because my phone isn’t even equipped with texting services.

As much as I hate how people are always buried in their cell phones, I knew this would be my only chance to get away. I mean, I certainly couldn’t tell her that she made me uncomfortable by invading my personal space, or by questioning my spiritual beliefs when I told her I don’t “follow” Dr. Weiss - seeing as he is a mental health professional, not a guru or new age leader.

As I diligently pretended to be very involved in my cell, I excused myself & waved my phone - the universal signal for “I need to pretend to make a call so I can get away from you.” Alas, I got away - and I didn’t even have to experience the awkwardness of bumping into her at any point later in the day.

The workshop, which I’ll write about more later, was very good. I was nervous at first, but it was a pretty life changing day. But those details are for another post. As this is the tale of yet another weirdo that I attracted while out and about. Maybe Dr. Weiss can regress me to the point & time of when I put a big ass flashing neon light upon my forehead that reads Weirdoes Inquire Here!

Blast From The Past: Justin Morneau

Not much unlike now, when I was in HS, my extra cirricular time was spent online. The difference is when I was in HS, my online time was spent chatting w/ random guys in distance cities and states. Now it's just spent reading other people's blogs & random sites. One of those random guys when I was in HS was a 19 yr. old kid named Justin Morneau, who was living near my dad in FL, playing some sort of minor league baseball, trying to work his way up to the big leagues. I remember him specifically because he played a stupid game w/ me, trying to get me to pronounce his name, which I didn't have a clue. When he was done w/ the game, he told me it rhymed w/ porno. Like most long distance HS internet flings, we only talked a few weeks or months, then we were bored w/ eachother & moved on.

A few weeks ago I pulled up a search engine, and this was the picture for the feature story:





Crazy pic, right? So I clicked the link to get the details, and guess who it is! Justin Morneau! Apparently he now plays in MLB for the Twins, recently signed a bazillion dollar deal, and just got married.

Who knows. Maybe if I had been more serious about going to college in FL after HS was out, we could have reconnected, and I could be the wife of the bazillionaire MLB player.

I can’t concentrate.

I’m sitting at Panera, trying to eat & do a little research, but can't concentrate due to the horrendous 1st date going on behind me. I just can’t help but laugh at the middle aged and not so attractive dude, who’s date is actually attractive, shoot himself in the foot by spouting off bullshit about political policies he clearly doesn’t know anything about - other than what‘s been spoon fed to him by his favorite fox news shows.

By the way, do people not realize that political commentators are NOT political authorities? They are paid entertainers. This is how they earn their salaries: They saying outrageous things that draw in an audience of like minded minions. Advertisers see the number of people the show attracts, and is therefore willing to pay to advertise during that time slot. Knowing that the more viewers the show has, the more the show can charge advertisers, hosts then compete with each other to say something more over the top than the last one, thus bringing more viewers to their show, which translates into more advertising dollars, which means a bigger paycheck for said host. Even that jackass Rush Limbaugh admits to this and calls his show entertainment.

Anyway, back to my original post… You can tell by the look on her face and her distant “uh-huh” replies that she, a) doesn’t really give a shit, or b) can tell he’s too ignorant to actually have an honest discussion about the topic.

Poor girl. Clearly I feel sorry for her. So I’m going to go eat some german-chokolatekake for her.

2001.09.11

It’s been eight years, but I still clearly remember waking up around 11:30am that Tuesday morning, turning on the TV, and everything around me stopping. I wasn’t there and I don’t know anyone directly affected. That’s true for a lot of us. But it still hurts. Its still so fresh in our minds.

Apparently I’m NOT gay, just sad.

More from Your Art = Your Sexuality continued below…

After I stated my straight case, I was then told that I am sad. It was explained that I’m obviously sad because I’m single, which means I “don’t have love in” my life, and that is THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPLANATION as to why I like black & white photography - because love in my life would make me choose color prints, not b&w, with inspirational sayings on them.

Nice, hey?

Apparently I’m Gay???

What does it mean to be gay? I thought it had to do with your sexuality, but I guess now it really IS all about the stereotypes….

Last weekend I received a package in the mail. Here is what was in the box:

When I pulled it out of the box a comment was made to the effect of, “I thought you didn’t like art & stuff like that.” What I’ve never been able to honestly tell that person is that I do actually love art, especially photography, but that I just didn’t favor their home-made-arts-&-crafts-country-kitchen-cowboy-ranch-hodge-podge décor. So I said something like, “No, I like lots of art. I just tend to favor bold, clean lines, black & white photography, and more minimalist and masculine design.” This person then said point blank, “You don’t think you’re gay, do ya?”

WHAT THE FUCK??? Since when does one’s home décor & design taste determine their sexuality?

Let me just set the record straight… Pun intended. I am a feminine (not girly) female who LOVES penis, and sometimes fantasizes about getting some girl-on-girl action but will never actually follow through with it. I love my hetro friends and I love my gay friends and I love my les friends - and I mean real lesbians, not sorority girls who like to put on a show. But at the end of the day, when I lay me down to sleep, I dream about the MAN who I’ll spend the rest of my life with, who will be the most amazing father to our children. No matter the sex fantasies and no matter the real life girl crushes I’ve had & never acted on (unless you count that one summer I went on 2 dates with a girl, who on date two I noticed she had tons of dirt under her fingernails and I was totally disgusted at the thought of her potentially fingering me, not to mention how dirty her vagina might be), I am just a plain jane hetro gal.

But since I like masculine design, I must be a big ole BUTCH BUTCH BUTCH DYKE lesbian. LOL - I love how people connect the dots in their own minds.

Now, in all fairness, this person has never met anyone I’ve dated. But that’s because I choose to keep my private life private. There’s no need for you to meet every random Joe I date, until I’ve determined if he has any serious long-term potential. But that doesn’t make me gay!

And I’ve gotta pull the “technicality” card too. I have a vagina, and as long as I do, I can never be gay. Like I said before, I like penis. If I said I like penis, and also had a penis, I’d be gay. Since I have a vagina, if I said I liked vagina, then I’d be a lesbian. But I have a vagina and like penis, and that means I’m straight. We could get into all the bi-sexual / bi-curious mumbo jumbo, but I won’t, as I’ve clearly confused one too many people already.

But what if I was a lesbian? Does this right-wing, bible-thumping “homosexuality is a sin” ultra-conservative person really think I’d come out to them? When pigs fly out of my penis (and sometimes vagina) loving vagina!

Still in my sweats...

Yesterday I read a blog post where the author writes about being one of those moms who doesn’t have it together. She talks about how she can’t get dressed some days and how she doesn’t even get around to brushing her teeth until noon, all because she is too busy tending to dirty diapers, overflowing trash cans, ringing phones, etc., along w/ the lack of energy that comes with being a mom. She said that before she became a mom, she never could have imagined that she’d “become that woman. The pale faced, ponytailed, sweats wearin’, old t-shirt sporting MOM.” She wanted to know if anyone related to her, or if she was just crazy.

I can say w/out a doubt that I relate. And I don’t even have kids. What does that say about me?

Target

Need to lose weight. Went to Target to find work-out clothes. Nothing fit. Left Target in real tears.

Kids

Teach Your Kids to Break the Rules - Five survival skills they'll use the rest of their life.
By Craig Playstead for MSN Lifestyle

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/article.aspx?cp-documentid=16949831>1=32001

Everything you read about parenting today tells you how to mold your kid into a perfect little angel. There's just one problem: The world isn't perfect. In order to survive in what can be a brutal place, kids need to have smarts they can use outside the supervised environments of the classroom, your kitchen table and church.

It's your job to teach your kids the way the world works, and part of that is showing them which rules can be broken or bent. But common sense is king here; your kids need to be old enough to understand the subtleties of life before they're exposed to these five skills. Teaching a 4-year-old to start breaking a few rules will just lead to creating the next Paris Hilton.

I'm not here to turn your kids into criminals or lunatics. Knowing where and when they can start bending the rules will help them survive and find their own voice -- and you're the one who needs to teach them. Kids need to learn that life isn't just black or white, but shades of gray. Here are a few areas where you can start teaching them to break (or bend) the rules.

1) Sneak snacks into a movie theater
There isn't one person reading this who hasn't sneaked Milk Duds or a box of Mike & Ike's into a movie theater. When a business is trying to take advantage of you to that degree, stuffing your pockets seems absolutely fair. Sneaking snacks into a theater is a great place to start when teaching your kids where they can bend certain rules in society. This also covers ballparks, concerts, or anywhere else that tries to fleece you for a stale, lukewarm pretzel and a $9 tub of popcorn.

2) Question teachers
I am by no means asking kids to become a disruption or a nightmare to their teachers. However, I don't see any harm in letting them question their teachers once in a while. One thing kids don't do enough in school is ask, "Why?" Mindlessly memorizing facts and goofy math patterns to pass some stupid state-mandated test doesn't teach kids to think independently.

I have to believe that the many great teachers out there would welcome the curiosity and enthusiasm that would follow. I don't want my kids to know just the answers; I want them to know why a certain problem works the way it does, why the book report needs to be double-spaced, and why they only have three minutes to go number two in the lavatory.

3) Learn how to tell a white lie
Now, there's a big difference between having a kid who's a wolf-crying liar trusted by no one, and having a kid who knows when to lie to save someone's feelings. It could be telling Grandma that the reindeer sweater she sent for Christmas is perfect. Or it might be letting your kid inform someone he or she doesn't want to date that "I don't have time to go out with anyone right now," instead of the real reason -- that the kid looks like a cross between Carrot Top and Rosie O'Donnell.

These are the exact kind of subtleties that kids need to know in life. Showing them how to throw out a little white lie instead of destroying someone's feelings just might save an important friendship, or keep a job, or maintain family peace.

4) Pee in the woods
More and more these days, kids seem to get sucked into their Xbox, iPod or cell phone without spending enough time outdoors and having fun the old-fashioned way. Take the kids up to the mountains skiing or to a cabin and let them do the things that they're meant to do: raise hell, laugh and pee in the woods. Nothing says that you're at one with nature more than relieving yourself just like the pioneers did. And while you're at it, teach the kids how to build a great campfire.

5) Bend the rules when playing sports
Teaching your kids good sportsmanship as they head into the wonderful world of athletics is immensely important. However, after you get past the age when every kid plays soccer and T-ball only because their parents want them to, you get into a very competitive area. Select all-star teams for kids who haven't yet hit junior high are now the norm.

Your kids will end up awfully naïve if you let them grow up thinking that athletes aren't bending the rules. And by the time they're teens, they're ready to learn there are a ton of tricks and ways to bend the rules in sports that don't include steroids, blood doping or stealing the other team's mascot. I'm talking about head games, flicking the elbow in hoops when someone's shooting, holding the other player's jersey, and more.

LOL

I can't stand Angelina and all her babies. Maddox probably thought he hit the jackpot, but then Angelina proceeded to take him to every other Third World country on the planet. He's probably like. 'Bitch, when the fuck are we getting to Malibu?'
- E! TV personality Chelsea Handler told an audience in New York this past weekend

Boycot Lee Beaman of Beman Auto

Out-of-state group gave almost all of English-only campaign funds
By Michael Cass o Staff Writer o January 27, 2009

UPDATE: The group that unsuccessfully tried to force Metro to do business only in English received more than 90 percent of its funds from an out-of-state organization that has been linked to hate groups.

Nashville English First raised $89,722.76 for its campaign, according to campaign financial disclosures released today.

Of that, ProEnglish of Arlington, Va., contributed $82,500. A second donor, Nashville businessman Lee Beaman, gave $6,000, meaning two donors funded more than 98 percent of Nashville English First's campaign.

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups around the country, has linked ProEnglish to such activity through other organizations founded by ProEnglish's founder, Dr. John H. Tanton.

Tanton has denied that any of his organizations are hate groups.

Metro voters rejected the English-only charter amendment last week, with about 57 percent opposed to the measure and 43 percent in favor.

Nashville English First actually filed its overdue disclosures Monday, but Metro Law Director Sue Cain instructed the Davidson County Election Commission not to release the documents because English First leaders had expressed concerns two weeks ago - when the forms were due - about their donors being threatened.

Cain told Election Administrator Ray Barrett in an email at 7:39 a.m. today that there was no evidence of "a substantial risk of bodily harm from a perceived likely threat."

Contact Michael Cass at 259-8838 or mcass@tennessean.com.

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090127/NEWS0206/90127008

How To Waste $280,000!

English-only fails; lopsided vote ends heated campaign
By Chris Echegaray o THE TENNESSEAN o January 23, 2009

Nashville listened to its leaders - the governor, the mayor, and a vast coalition of churches, businesses and universities - and defeated an English-only measure by nearly 10,000 votes in Thursday's special election.

No one predicted the massive turnout on the special election, one that inspired strong emotion from voters on either side. Ultimately, opponents said, the message that diversity is a good thing came through.

"With the defeat of this amendment, the citizens of Nashville tell the rest of the country that we are an incredibly warm city with an entrepreneurial spirit," said Tom Oreck, a vacuum cleaner company owner who worked to defeat the measure.

The final was 32,144 for English only and 41,752 against - at about 19 percent, the largest turnout for a special election in a decade. Opponents were well ahead when early voting totals came out just after the polls closed at 7 p.m. and never trailed.

The measure would have forced all Metro Nashville government business to be done in English, with the council allowed to vote on exceptions. The city's legal department contended early on that conflicts with federal law would enmesh Nashville in litigation for years to come.

By defeating the measure, Nashville will not be the largest city in the nation with an English-only rule in its charter despite dogged efforts by Metro Councilman Eric Crafton, who spearheaded the amendment. The city's size attracted the attention of national media.

Crafton's arguments
Crafton and his Nashville English First group argued that the city would save money in translation services and become unified as the result of more immigrants learning English.

But even Crafton said he is glad the special election is over. He has been trying to get the charter amended for two years, first failing after former Mayor Bill Purcell vetoed a council vote on the issue and then failing to get it on the November ballot over a technicality in timing.

"Like Roberto Duran said after his fight, 'No mas,'" Crafton said. "I think our community benefited from this debate, and I'm glad to have it behind us. We may have been on different sides, but we have to work to improve the education system, work through the budget crisis. Now, we have to be cooperative and work together."

After the final tallies, Mayor Karl Dean also called for the city to move on from this chapter.

"The results of this special election reaffirm Nashville's identity as a welcoming and friendly city and our ability to come together as a community - from all walks of life and perspectives - to work together for a common cause for the good of our city," he said.

Election costs
Even some who voted for the measure complained about the expense of holding a special election for it - nearly $280,000. Others didn't like the expense or the measure.

"This is a waste of taxpayer money," said Ruth Hall, who voted at DuPont Tyler Middle School. "It's wrong, and I voted against it.

"If I travel somewhere, I don't want the government telling me what I should be speaking and when."

But those who went to the polls had ideas as diverse as Nashville itself. Julie Lopez, who is married to a Cuban immigrant and adopted a daughter from Colombia, voted in favor of the measure.

"I just feel that it's fine to have government business to be in one language, an official language," said Lopez, who voted at the Central Pike Church of Christ. "I think, with changing demographics, there should be changing policies."

Overall, the "one country, one language" sentiment pushed by Crafton to galvanize voters didn't resonate because Nashville is becoming cosmopolitan and comfortable with its diversity, said University of Illinois professor Dennis Baron, who has written extensively on English-only measures.

"Nashville refused to be alarmed by unwarranted language endangerment," he said. "This is a good sign. As I've said, these things tend to pass. The forces against the measure worked very hard."

Baron said English-only measures are often veiled attempts against immigrants and non-English speaking groups. The argument over English-only found itself framed around Latinos and illegal immigration, but it also would have affected the thousands of refugees the federal government resettles in Nashville.

The defeat of English-only is a sign that voters recognize bad policy, said Maria Rodriguez, director of the Florida Immigrant Coalition who has fought against similar measures in that state.

"Voters are not duped anymore," she said. "They know when they see bad policy that is going to be costly and that's not progressive. … I guess brown can stick around in Nashville."

Chris Echegaray can be reached (615) 664-2144 or cechegaray@tennessean.com.

http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2009901230395