Woody Allen.
His movies or his personal life.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Less Is More
I hate knick-knacks, aka bric-a-brac, aka chatchkeys. First off, who the hell came up with these names? Whoever it was needs to be shot. But despite what you call it all, it’s still just a bunch of shit. Yes, I said it, SHIT! Shit! Shit! Shit!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Ignorance Is Bliss
I know someone who has a bumper sticker that reads as follows:
If 10% is good enough for God, then it’s good enough for the IRS.
Haha! The ironic hilarity of that statement is a good laugh. The better part of it for me is that the person who this belongs to is someone who barely even contributes to society, much less financially. They work minimum pay jobs, I mean, between drunken out bursts and DUIs. I’d love for people who think like this bumper sticker to get a clue.
If 10% is good enough for God, then it’s good enough for the IRS.
Haha! The ironic hilarity of that statement is a good laugh. The better part of it for me is that the person who this belongs to is someone who barely even contributes to society, much less financially. They work minimum pay jobs, I mean, between drunken out bursts and DUIs. I’d love for people who think like this bumper sticker to get a clue.
Monday, October 19, 2009
A Simple Explanation On Why Women Give BJs
We know he likes it and we want to give him what he wants. Also, in that moment we are in complete control (given the teeth/skin situation), and some of us get off on that.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Weirdoes Inquire Here
GOOD GOD!
They are like moths to my flame. Why does it always seem that I attract the most eccentric strangers? Don’t get me wrong - I like eccentric, I’m eccentric, but I don’t like people who are the MOST eccentric of the eccentrics and make me feel uncomfortable.
This past weekend I was in Atlanta for a workshop given by Dr. Brian Weiss - a psychiatrist who is/was a pioneer in past life regression therapy. Being the anal-retentive freak that I am, I showed up an hour before everything started. I was sitting alone (just how I like it) and out of the blue, a woman old enough to be my mother approaches me asking if I’m by myself & would like to go sit with her - cause she just hates to be alone at these things. That right there should have given me cause for concern, as I can’t stand people who can’t stand to be alone; they tend to be needy and completely dependent on others. Given my complete lack of ability in asserting myself w/ strangers, especially when caught off guard, I said sure. But I figured, “I’m alone and it’s always nice to meet new people.”
So I collect my things & follow her down to her choice of seats, although the view wasn’t nearly as good as the section I was already in. When plopping my self in the auditorium seat, I made sure to leave an empty seat between us. What can I say? I’m a big girl & I like to keep my personal bubble fully intact, especially around strangers. I always leave a space cushion between me & the next person, unless I’m related to them (but not always), good friends with them (but not always), or fucking them (but not always). Anyone want to guess what she does next? Yup, she saw I left an open seat between us, gets up, and fills that damn empty seat!
I tried not to be annoyed by this as Mary, who I learned is an Ohio native currently living in Florida & selling real estate, tells me about her daughter who just became a teacher that works with underprivileged kids. When we finally get a moment of awkward silence, I pull the new (well, relatively speaking) go-to move of whipping out my cell phone & pretending to read the msgs on my screen. This is where I should tell you that I don’t actually have msgs on my screen since I don't have texting. Not just because I don’t want to, but also simply because my phone isn’t even equipped with texting services.
As much as I hate how people are always buried in their cell phones, I knew this would be my only chance to get away. I mean, I certainly couldn’t tell her that she made me uncomfortable by invading my personal space, or by questioning my spiritual beliefs when I told her I don’t “follow” Dr. Weiss - seeing as he is a mental health professional, not a guru or new age leader.
As I diligently pretended to be very involved in my cell, I excused myself & waved my phone - the universal signal for “I need to pretend to make a call so I can get away from you.” Alas, I got away - and I didn’t even have to experience the awkwardness of bumping into her at any point later in the day.
The workshop, which I’ll write about more later, was very good. I was nervous at first, but it was a pretty life changing day. But those details are for another post. As this is the tale of yet another weirdo that I attracted while out and about. Maybe Dr. Weiss can regress me to the point & time of when I put a big ass flashing neon light upon my forehead that reads Weirdoes Inquire Here!
They are like moths to my flame. Why does it always seem that I attract the most eccentric strangers? Don’t get me wrong - I like eccentric, I’m eccentric, but I don’t like people who are the MOST eccentric of the eccentrics and make me feel uncomfortable.
This past weekend I was in Atlanta for a workshop given by Dr. Brian Weiss - a psychiatrist who is/was a pioneer in past life regression therapy. Being the anal-retentive freak that I am, I showed up an hour before everything started. I was sitting alone (just how I like it) and out of the blue, a woman old enough to be my mother approaches me asking if I’m by myself & would like to go sit with her - cause she just hates to be alone at these things. That right there should have given me cause for concern, as I can’t stand people who can’t stand to be alone; they tend to be needy and completely dependent on others. Given my complete lack of ability in asserting myself w/ strangers, especially when caught off guard, I said sure. But I figured, “I’m alone and it’s always nice to meet new people.”
So I collect my things & follow her down to her choice of seats, although the view wasn’t nearly as good as the section I was already in. When plopping my self in the auditorium seat, I made sure to leave an empty seat between us. What can I say? I’m a big girl & I like to keep my personal bubble fully intact, especially around strangers. I always leave a space cushion between me & the next person, unless I’m related to them (but not always), good friends with them (but not always), or fucking them (but not always). Anyone want to guess what she does next? Yup, she saw I left an open seat between us, gets up, and fills that damn empty seat!
I tried not to be annoyed by this as Mary, who I learned is an Ohio native currently living in Florida & selling real estate, tells me about her daughter who just became a teacher that works with underprivileged kids. When we finally get a moment of awkward silence, I pull the new (well, relatively speaking) go-to move of whipping out my cell phone & pretending to read the msgs on my screen. This is where I should tell you that I don’t actually have msgs on my screen since I don't have texting. Not just because I don’t want to, but also simply because my phone isn’t even equipped with texting services.
As much as I hate how people are always buried in their cell phones, I knew this would be my only chance to get away. I mean, I certainly couldn’t tell her that she made me uncomfortable by invading my personal space, or by questioning my spiritual beliefs when I told her I don’t “follow” Dr. Weiss - seeing as he is a mental health professional, not a guru or new age leader.
As I diligently pretended to be very involved in my cell, I excused myself & waved my phone - the universal signal for “I need to pretend to make a call so I can get away from you.” Alas, I got away - and I didn’t even have to experience the awkwardness of bumping into her at any point later in the day.
The workshop, which I’ll write about more later, was very good. I was nervous at first, but it was a pretty life changing day. But those details are for another post. As this is the tale of yet another weirdo that I attracted while out and about. Maybe Dr. Weiss can regress me to the point & time of when I put a big ass flashing neon light upon my forehead that reads Weirdoes Inquire Here!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)