Disappointed, Confused & REALLY SHALLOW

To all of my many millions of readers, I'm sorry I've been MIA, but I can explain! I've met someone. Well, technically we haven't met in person, but have been communicating by email for a few months, and now by phone for the past few weeks. We seem to have hit it off. We kind of "get" eachother - which is a feeling I'm not used to. I had to go out of town for Christmas last week, and we talked for 3 hours or more on the phone most nights. And by night I mean into the far end of the early morning hours. If you knew me in real life, you'd know I like sleep and I value it more than gold cause my life & bouts of insomnia normally allow for very little of it. It's so not like me to sit on the phone, especially when I can be SLEEPING. Anyway, we were introduced through EHarmony, although neither of us are members, and we exchanged photos at the begining. I'm fat, have bad skin and I'm UN-photogenic, and therefore hate having my picture taken, so naturally I sent him photos of me looking my best, and they are all 2-10 yrs old. But I swear I still look the same as the most recent one... when my hair & makeup is done, which is rare. He sent me some pics too, and while I wasn't all, "OMG, he's so hot!" I felt there was potential. Since he's a he, I figured, alright, I assumed, he looked just like his pics, cause he's a he and all and couldn't hide behind hair & makeup in photos like I do. Well, long story short, we are now facebook friends, and by clicking on one of his friend's pages I was able to see some pics of him from a few weeks ago. I don't want to admit this, but I'm going to. I was kind of repulsed. Those pics look like a very different person. He told me at the begining that he didn't have very many pics of himself, and I figured, ok, assumed, that he was un-photogenic like me, but he more or less looked like the pics he sent. I never asked. Maybe I should have asked, but how does one ask THAT? Now I'm stuck w/ the fear that if we meet he'll look like the pics on his friends page instead of looking like the pics he sent me that I wasn't repulsed by. I'm not getting any younger or skinnier, so I feel compelled to keep things going & to meet & hope with hope that I've never had before that in person he looks more like the pics he sent and the other ones were just REALLY BAD PICTURES. I had enough trepidation about meeting & revealing me prior to this development. Now this? This is too much anxiety.

1941.12.07

In rememberance of the countless lives lost.

Spoiler Alert: Twilight / New Moon

Let me start by saying that I haven’t read the books - yet. I actually had no intentions of seeing the movies either until a few months ago. My sister mentioned that she had not planned on watching the Twilight DVD, but did, ended up loving it & was now reading the books. I borrowed it figuring it was something to watch the next time my insomnia set in – which ended up being that night. And I watched it multiple times before giving it back to her. New Moon could not come to theatres soon enough. I’ve seen it twice already, and it’s only been out for less than two weeks.

At the end of Twilight (movie), Emmet, Alice & Jasper were all there in the background destroying James, when Carlisle & Edward were tending to Bella & her bleeding . I’m curious as to why Edward (whom I frequently & mistakenly call Edmond – don’t know why) had to be the one to suck the poison out of Bella. Carlisle is a doctor who is around blood constantly and can obviously control himself. Why did he make Edward do it instead of just doing it himself? I figured it was some kind of metaphor for E’s love for B if he could keep from killing her; end of story.

Cut to New Moon & the birthday scene. B’s paper cut is miniscule, and Jasper goes crazy. There’s blood, they’re in a small space, he wants her, I get it. But if you go back to the end of Twilight, isn’t B bleeding a whole lot more than now w/ the paper cut? I know she gets cut worse when E pushes her back, but he only pushed her bcz Jasper was going to get her. Why wouldn’t Jasper have gone after her at the ballet studio in Twilight when there was more blood? I mean, first she pulled a large shard of the shattered mirror out of her leg & when E tried to get her away from James, she ended up being flung across the floor that was covered in more shards of the shattered mirror. Did Jasper not notice this because he was too busy w/ James? This just doesn’t make sense to me.